Scalise Wins GOP Speaker Nomination – Promises To Bypass Trump And Take His Orders Directly From Putin

Leuterers National Desk, Washington, D.C

Majority Leader Steve Scalise, R-LA, has been chosen by GOP lawmakers to be their nominee for the vacant Speaker of the House position, which is third in line to the Presidency.

The voting took place in a closed door secret ballot process to protect members from the wrath of Donald Trump in the event Trump’s choice for Speaker, Jim Jordan, R-OH, was not the nominee. “Nobody wanted to be called fat, weak, ugly, or stupid,” said one prominent member of the GOP on condition of anonymity.

Other members, also asking to not be named reported what put Scalise over the top was his promise to take his marching orders directly from Russian President Vladimir Putin. “Instructions can become a bit muddied when going through Trump. And we want total clarity on what we should be doing,” stated a prominent female member of the House who may or may not be the focus of an earlier Leuterers article.

Reports from Moscow indicate Putin is pleased with the result of the vote and is looking forward to meeting with Speaker Scalise soon.