Trump Promises ‘Sun-Blotting’ If Not Exonerated And Reinstated As President By April 7th

Leuterers Field Desk, Green Bay, Wisconsin

Prior to a rally in Green Bay, Wisconsin today, Former President Trump, the presumptive GOP nominee for President stated if he didn’t get what he wanted by April 7th, he would “blot out the sun on April 8th.”

The four-time felony indicted and court adjudicated rapist ex-President who lost the 2020 election but has continued to claim he won spoke to reporters backstage of his rally event saying,

“What I want is what America wants. What God wants. And that’s me, Trump. And if I am not completely exonerated of anything and everything and reinstated as president by April 7th, I will blot out the sun on April 8th to put the fear of Trump, Jesus, and our American Christian God into the dark souls of the democrat animals who are a disgrace like nothing you’ve ever seen.”

Trump went on to say, “You’ll hear the fake media and the crazy Nancy liberal socialist democrat vermin claim this was a pre-planned solar eclipse. It is not. I plotted it out with a sharpie on a map long before their eclipse stories came out. This is my sun-blotting. It’s a Trump blot and I will blot out the sun only in select areas and will do my best to only blot it out over liberal districts as I sun blot my way across the country. There will be some bleed-over blotting into patriotic MAGA areas and you’ll just have to live with it because my sun blotting will be like no sun blotting you’ve ever seen before. It will be a very large sun blotting. And a very long sun blotting. It will be a beautiful blotting of the sun.

“I will be doing this to show exactly how much power God has bestowed upon me, your chosen Christian to lead the way for God, who incidentally, I’m told is very pleased with my version of The Bible. And at only $59.99. And Jesus, you know, he was great. But maybe I’m a little bit greater. I don’t know. People say I’m a little greater.  Some say I’m a lot greater. Maybe I am. But Jesus, he was a great American and loved this country and if He was here he’d say that He’d never seen anything as horrible as what these Democrats are doing to this beautiful nation which is God’s favorite. But Jesus isn’t here. And I am. So it’s just like Jesus is here, except maybe better because He wasn’t Trump and I am Trump.”

The former president answered no questions though did single out this reporter, yelling out over his shoulder as he exited for the mainstage, “Panther was my name before you stole it, Weinhard. I made that name cool long ago when I was Panther Trump. Everyone called me Panther. They loved Panther Trump. And then you and your failing Leuterers News Service stole it.  You’ll get yours, Weinhard. Oh, you’ll get yours. MSNBC, CNN, The Washington Post, The New York Times and Leuterers News Service, I hope you like breaking rocks into smaller rocks with a sledgehammer in the hot Mississippi sun, Weinhard.”