Tesla Recalls Stock Over Faulty Price Decline Brake Pedal

Leuterers Business Desk, Austin, TX

A spokesperson for Tesla today released a statement calling for the return of its shares of stock so that the brake pedal on the declining price could be repaired.

Said, Tesla Spokesperson Eva von Phukoff, “We are asking for shareholders to turn in their shares for safe-keeping until we can solve this problem. It is important to know that the brake pedal problem on stopping the falling price has nothing to do with how Elon is running the company. Elon is busy creating the next wave of growth while simultaneously developing ways to protect humanity from the evil deep state, the biased liberal media, the woke virus, and the gloating Tesla Bears on Stocktwits.”

Ms. Phukoff went on to specify that this “is not a share buyback, but a share recall” and that the shares will be repaired at no cost to the shareholders.

Phukoff’s statement added, “While we have every reason to believe the consistent decrease in our share price due to the faulty brake pedal has nothing to do with our workmanship and everything to do with pedophile lizard people liberals who are against free speech, we are not assigning blame and wish only to resolve the problem as quickly and efficiently as possible. By taking control of your shares, they can’t be sold while we continue to develop the awesome power of Dojo, Neuralink, and Starlink to connect all minds to correct thinking at which point we will return the shares and all will be well. Brake pedal issue solved.”