Leuterers Politics Desk, Washington, D.C.
Former President Trump today announced the GOP’s first official platform position in the 2024 Presidential Campaign Season. Following his courtroom ramblings in his civil fraud case in New York during which he claimed every single bad thing that’s happened in his life was engineered by President Biden and the Democrats, Trump had this to say:
“Everybody says we don’t have a platform. It’s all about retribution. Well, it’s not. Sure, retribution, execution, whatever it takes to rid the Maga nation of the liberal vermin is part of the platform. But that’s not all. Which is why I am today officially announcing the MAGA Blood Purification Act of 2024, which will take place after I win the election. We won’t be waiting for any swearing-in this time.
“The MAGA Blood Purification Act will be great, The greatest. To purify this nation only I will be allowed to impregnate women. American women. Red blooded, blond, and hot, real America women. Brunettes, redheads too, but mostly blonde hot women. This is a win-win for all. The blood of America will become pure as the next generation of little Trumpies grow into young men and women of a pure blooded Trump race who will make America great again.
“This will require much time and effort on my part but I will do it for America and all the pure America women, who we all know want to, and would love to carry and birth and raise pureblood Trump babies. Together, with your wives, girlfriends, daughters, I will make America great again and purify its blood. God bless me and God bless America.”
Trump took no questions and immediately launched into further allegations against President Biden, blaming him for a lost homework assignment in a sixth grade math class. Said Trump, “It was Biden who took it. He’s been out to get me for the last sixty years.”