Space Needle Enters Transfer Portal – Will Relocate to Duluth, Minnesota

 Leuterers Pacific Northwest Desk, Seattle, WA

Seattle residents were surprised, dismayed, but ultimately understanding of the recent decision put forth by its iconic landmark, The Space Needle, which early this morning posted the following statement to its Twitter X account:

“After much reflection and soul searching, I’ve decided to transfer to Duluth. I feel the move is the best thing for me and my family. I don’t make this decision lightly. But so many things have changed in the past sixty-plus years I’ve been standing here. The World’s Fair was fun but then Senator Proxmire killed the SST and the Pilots moved to Milwaukee. Then the Sonics bolted and now this debacle with Deboer leaving for Alabama. Duluth made me a great offer and I decided to take it. When they put me back together, from my observation deck, people will see the St Louis River empty into the vast expanse of Lake Superior, and the song ‘Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ will play nonstop, wooing my visitors. At sunset, guests will be afforded the amazing sight of seeing the curvature of the Earth on a freshwater lake.

Thanks, Seattle, it’s been a great run! But I’m getting the heck out of here while the getting is good. And the NIL money, let me tell you, they piled it up to that ugly blob they added back in the 1980’s.


The Needle”

Seattle residents expressed mixed reactions to the news:

Deborah “Rainchild” Jones, 25, a six-month resident of Capitol Hill, and recent transplant from Pheonix, AZ, had this to say, “This is a free city and the Needle should be able to choose its own path. Don’t try to lay any heavy trips on me, dude. And write it the way I say it, reporter man. Don’t spin it into some patriarchal capitalist agenda, like you mainstream media people always do.”

Robert Cunningham, 63, a third-generation resident of the Queen Anne neighborhood said, “It all started with the Californians coming up here in the 80’s. They’re destroying our city, our heritage. Nobody wants to live here anymore, so yeah, it doesn’t surprise me.”

Sven Gufenthoraldson, 85, a lifelong resident of the Ballard neighborhood said, “Uff da, what? The Space what?”