“In The Case Of Don Jr., You Are The Father!”
The CNN network debuted its new weekly primetime show Town Ho’ last Wednesday night to mixed reviews.
Borrowing from a Jerry Springer Show format of “Who’s Your Daddy”, host Kaitlan Collins revealed that DNA tests prove Donald Trump is in fact the father of Donald Trump, Jr.
Trump has long denied he was Don Jr.’s father as Leuterers News Service exclusively reported following the January 6th insurrection.
Prior to the on-air release of the DNA information Trump continued to assert he could not possibly be Don Jr.’s father claiming, “I hardly know him, but of course he knows me. Everybody knows me. I have the highest known ratings of anyone in the history of the world, except maybe Jesus and I don’t know, you tell me, maybe I have higher ratings than Him.”
The studio audience, lured to attend with $1 lottery scratch tickets and $5 KFC gift cards, signaled their approval with much applause, foot stomping and raucous laughter.
This seemed to encourage Trump and he continued with, “And he took the name Trump. That doesn’t prove anything. Why wouldn’t he take my name? Everybody loves Trump. Everybody wants to be Trump. C’mon, even you want to be Trump, Kaitlin. But you can’t be. No, because you are nasty, Kaitlin, nasty.”
Collins then revealed the DNA report proving the former president was in fact, Don Jr.’s father, at which point retired 1970’s adult film star Julia Juggs – who claimed to be Don Jr.’s mother, was led onto the stage and began yelling at Trump, “I told you so! I told you so! I told you, you were the baby daddy!”
The rest of the show featured an on-stage melee with Trump going after Ms. Juggs and then being tackled, taken down , and restrained in a headlock by Kaitlin Collins who yelled, “Nasty? You ain’t seen no nasty. I’ll show you real nasty, you fat, bloated coward!”
The show ended abruptly when the crowd rushed the stage and the Secret Service extricated Trump from Collins’ vise-like grip, though not before offering her high fives.
CNN claims the show was a great success and plans to feature House Representative Matt Goetz in next week’s segment.