Oregon Governor To Open Free Grief Counseling Clinics For Duck Fans After Devastating Loss To Washington

Leuterers Sports Desk, Seattle, WA

In a press conference concluded moments ago, Oregon Governor Tina Kotek announced the following:

“Today’s punishing, bruising, and devastating loss by the Oregon Ducks to the Washington Huskies has left many, so very many Duck fans in a state of shock, disbelief and a growing awareness that Washington’s football program is simply better than ours, no matter how much money Phil Knight throws at it. To help process the feelings of utter and complete despondency associated with this I have directed the State’s Emergency Services Division to immediately open large scale grief counseling centers in Eugene and elsewhere, excluding Corvallis, of course.”

Governor Kotek concluded her statements saying, “I will not be taking questions at this time as my wife and I are in the middle of binge watching Deadloch on Amazon Prime. Oh my God, what a great show. And I’m not just saying that for the product placement payment, though it’s a good one. I’m saying it because it’s a really great show. And in closing, let us all remember, though the Ducks have been virtually eliminated from any chance at all of relevance this season, we still have our wonderful Oregon State Beavers. Gooooo, Beavers!”