Santos’ Mother Dies A Third Time

George Santos, the embattled congressman elect from New York’s third district is mourning the loss of his mother. Santos announced his mother’s most recent passing in a tearful press conference earlier today. He had previously stated his mother had died on 9/11 and again five years ago from natural causes.

Standing on the steps of a Catholic Church, removing his yarmulke, with his on again off again boyfriend by his side, Santos said, “Yesterday, my mom was crushed to death by a stack of Entenmanns butter horns. The bakery driver was wheeling them into the grocery store. He hit a tiny pebble and the whole thing tipped over. Mom was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’ll never eat a butter horn again.”

A tearful Santos told the gathering reporters he was too anguished to say anything else.