DeSantis Seeks Indictment – Dumps Bottle of Soap In Fountain

Presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis was briefly detained in Des Moines, Iowa Tuesday by two security guards at the Jordan Creek Town Center shopping mall. DeSantis had dumped an entire bottle of Dawn dishwashing detergent into the fountain located between the Brooks Brothers and Apple Store. DeSantis urged the security guards to arrest him.

Head mall cop, Stanely Froderman, told the gathered press pool, “It was no big deal. Junior high kids do this all the time. The fountain will suds up a little, and then it will go back to normal.”

DeSantis sought the arrest to boost his sagging numbers in recent polling. Using a bull horn he addressed the crowd of one hundred, “Trump’s numbers go up every time he’s indicted. Well, two can play this game. I’m going outside to egg a few cars. Just wait until the Grand Jury get their hands on that case.”

DeSantis promised his supporters he would get arrested so they wouldn’t have to. He told the crowd, “I’m doing this for you.” Leaving the mall, DeSantis also promised to flip over some salt and pepper shakers in an Applebees the next time he is in New Hampshire. Raising a fist in the air, DeSantis shouted to the dwindling crowd, “And I’ll do it on live TV!”