Senator Ted Cruz, speaking in front of a group of right wing extremists on the Capitol Steps in Washington said, “I don’t like what they’re doing with this new Barbie film. Greta Gerwig and her whacko commie husband Noah Baumbach have written a script that makes Barbie too woke for my tastes.”
Speaking through a bullhorn in front of the enthusiastic crowd, Cruz continued, “I’ve got nothing against the real Barbie. The All-American Barbie, that is. In fact, one of my fondest childhood memories is of playing with Barbie and Ken at the kitchen table while my Father cleaned his .308 Deer rifle pausing at times to study maps of Dealey Plaza.”
Through a confidential source, Leuterers learned Cruz sent his most recent Barbie to Tijuana for an undisclosed plastic surgery procedure banned in the United States. Cruz’s staff denies the story, however, were recently seen in a toy store at the Capital Mall buying Barbie outfits.