Leuterers Politics Desk, Washington, D.C.
The Trump 2024 Campaign chief spokesperson, Helga von Irenmahden – bearing a striking resemblance to Kimberly Guilfoyle – announced today that the former President will from this point forward be referred to as “Trumpy-The Friendly President.”
Said von Irenmahden, “We’d like to remind people that the former president is not only the greatest president ever but the friendliest as well. And sometimes being friendly means you have to go after those who come after you. But we’re not here to talk about the evil liberal communist antifa loving democrats intent on destroying America. We’re not here to talk about those liberal socialist pedophile cannibal America haters who say Trumpy-The Friendly President is mean spirited, angry, and uncaring of anyone but himself. Because he’s not and you’re stupid and ugly if you think so.”
Von Irenmahden continued with, “Trumpy-The Friendly President is and always has been the friendliest president ever. To reinforce this basic overlooked fact, we will soon be releasing an entire product line of Trumpy-The Friendly President stuffed squirrels with cute little MAGA hats glued to their heads. Hand crafted by leading taxidermists in the Ozarks, these squirrels are just the thing for kids to hug and cuddle with at night. And the formaldehyde smell dissipates within a short month or two.
“Also soon to be available are stuffed squirrel versions of the the very highly rated Trump NFT images. These too, are hand crafted from only the finest of Ozark squirrels, each of them hand gutted and stuffed and then dressed in little revolutionary soldier outfits, tough western out on the range cowboy garb, and Trump superman suits, just like those featured in the oh so popular Trump NFT images. These are perfect for adults to snuggle themselves to sleep with at night or to hold during the day at times of high stress, such as when the corrupt, angry, and deranged Biden Justice Department releases a new weaponized election interference indictment against Trumpy-The Friendly President.”
Von Irenmahden concluded the press conference saying, “Trumpy-The Friendly President. And remember, like Jesus, Trumpy-The Friendly President is friendly so you don’t have to be. So show him your thanks by donating to Trumpy-The Friendly President 2024 or by buying a stuffed squirrel, the perfect way for kids and adults alike to show their patriotism and support.”