Leuterers Market Desk, New York, NY
In a surprise announcement this morning, Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick, stated the following in a press conference.
“I’m very pleased to announce that in a joint effort between the USDA and the Department of Commerce, the brilliant Trump Administration will be issuing, in place of food stamps, a new product designed to not only help struggling traders suffering from the Biden Economy after-effects, but also to help those who are currently on assistance better their lot in life by learning to trade options.”
In response to questions asking for explanation, Lutnick replied,
“This program will replace the SNAP program and allow for existing recipients to instead use their benefits to invest in option trading. Option Trading Stamps will be issued to benefit recipients’ accounts. Accounts will be set-up and facilitated by our great American partners at JPMorgan-JPM NYSE, Morgan Stanley–MS NYSE, and Edward Jones, LLLP.
‘These great American firms have stepped up to the plate to selflessly offer their services in helping to make Wall Street great again after years of mis-handling and abuse by the Biden administration’s pro-China and pro-woke policies. Just look what they did to Charging Bull.”
Reporters followed this with a clamor of questions at which Lutnick stated,
“Listen folks. This is about helping the common man out there, and his common woman. While certain restrictions will be in place with the Option Stamps, such as allowing for their use only in trading great American companies which of course include Trump Media and Technology Group -DJT, NSDQ, and others, we feel this will allow for a rapid turnaround in the fortunes of the struggling traders and other little people so adversely affected by the after-effects of the Biden Economy.”
When this reporter asked, “Secretary Lutnick, how would you respond to those who may see this as yet another distraction from the administration’s refusal to release the Epstein Files?”
Lutnick replied, “Security, please escort Mr. Weinhard out of the building and please do your best to help him from slipping on the stairs. He’s not very sure footed.”
This is a developing story and for readers concerned about my welfare, I trained in Aikido for many years and can roll anywhere on anything, even down concrete stairways, though I don’t recommend that one.