Leuterers Financial Desk, New York, NY
Wall Street spokesperson Roger “Biff” Elmsworth-Abernathy today announced that the world’s financial center would secede from the City and State of New York and would form its own City State.
“It will be like the Vatican,” said Elmsworth-Abernathy. “Like the Vatican, but with its own missile shield we will call the ‘Bull-Dome.’
Reading from a prepared statement, Elmsworth-Abernathy added, “This is long overdue and with Zohran Mandani and his socialist agenda nipping at our heels, we decided to move forward immediately. Mandani and his crazy ideas of sharing the wealth, can you imagine such a thing, this is Wall Street for God’s sake, can not be allowed to continue without a little risk management at our end.
“And to that end we, months ago, presented POTUS and SCOTUS with our plans and briefs, along with a number of quite attractive long dated index options, of course, so to more expeditiously enact this process. While the missile shield is being constructed and the robot army which will be used as perimeter security are being manufactured, we will be bringing on an armed security force of only the most disciplined and professional of J6 pardoned patriots, on personal loan from President Trump. We are grateful for that Mr. President, and offer as our thanks the first golden key to the sovereign City State of Wall Street.”
When taking questions and asked by this reporter how such a process could possibly occur, “being in such gross violation of all the precepts of the Nation’s Constitution, not to mention the Constitution of the State of New York,” Elmsworth-Abernathy replied, “Our missile shield, powered by Raytheon (RTX -NYSE) and Palantir (PLTR-NASDAQ) will not be confined to defensive parameters only, Weinhard. And we know where you live, and we know where the offices of that fake news rag you write for are located. Would you like to rephrase that question?”
As this reporter was in fact formulating a rephrasing, Elmsworth-Abernathy went on to say, “And as a part of this historic and necessary action we will also be commissioning a surgical/sculptural action to repair/restore Charging Bull to the state of virility which was so outrageously stripped away from him in past years as a result of the temporary insanity which infused the Street during the socialist/liberal Biden administration.”
This a developing story and will be updated.