Putin Decries Western Criticisms – Says Russia Is A Freedom Loving Country

Earlier today Russian President for Life, Vladimir Putin addressed the world at a special United Nations Security Council meeting. Putin spoke via zoom from his bunker deep under the Ural Mountains 840 miles east of Moscow.

Putin stated, “The West is stupid and filled with liars saying lies about Russia and my government.  They say people  not free here. We love freedom. I love freedom. In Russia we have many freedoms. People choose from many things. People choose to do what I say or choose go slave labor camp in Siberia or choose be shot in head. That is choice.  That is freedom. Here in Russia people choose many, many things. People choose go fight in Ukraine or choose go  slave labor camp in Siberia or choose be shot in head. That is choice. That is freedom.”

Putin then addressed Western economic sanctions saying, “Ha, your sanctions mean nothing. Russia is rich. Ruble is stronger than ever. Sure our stock market has been closed for few weeks. We were, uh, we were remodeling. You know contractors, they never finish on schedule. But I love freedom so I give them choice too. You go fight in Ukraine, or you go Siberian slave labor camp or you get shot in head. Choice. Freedom. Russia.”

Putin closed his remarks with a request, “Thank you and please to if  speak to Tucker. Tell him I say  keep up good work and do not worry about bounced check. You call Donald. He will cover. He owes me.”