John Heilemann Mauled by Ceramic Chipmunk During News Broadcast

Tragedy struck the popular MSNBC News Program Morning Joe Friday morning  when MSNBC Contributor John Heilemann was attacked by a ceramic chipmunk. Heilemann was rushed from his remote studio to a nearby bathroom for a band-aid following the attack.

A member  of Heilemann’s studio staff speaking on the condition of anonymity stated, “Mr. Heilemann is recovering well but is still shaken from the incident. He said he’s grateful the chipmunk acted alone and did not engage with the hippo on his right or the seal, bear and pig waiting in the wings on his left.”

A full investigation of the chipmunk’s political leanings is expected which may reveal a deep conspiracy involving Q-Anon, The Proud Boys, Caitlan Jenner, and Mr. Ed the talking horse.

Joe Scarborough, the host of Morning Joe was unabashed in his criticism of President Trump over the incident. Scarborough said, “In early March Trump claimed, “It was just one attacking ceramic figurine. Then it was eleven and fifteen and it was no big deal, the attacking ceramic figurines would just go away.’

“And now we’ve got them attacking people right in the middle of our broadcasts. Donald, Donald, Donald, you are such a big fat liar.”

Heilemann is expected to continue his Morning Joe appearance broadcasts from his kitchen studio harkening back to his highly rated early pandemic fruit-bowl displays. The kitchen studio broadcasts ended abruptly amidst rumors of a Deep State Produce Growers Association Cabal connection. The cabal was rumored to be headed by Bill Gates, George Soros, Dr. Fauci, and the ghost of Cesar Chavez, and the group may have been behind the well stocked bowl of fruit in the Heliemann broadcasts.

This is a continuing breaking story and updates will be posted.