Leuterers Business Desk:
In an annual shareholder meeting earlier today Jesus Christ announced a project to create an updated version of The Bible. The market responded favorably with Christianity futures soaring in heavy trading.
“I’m pleased to announce The Bible continues to be the number one selling book of all time,” said Christ in a prepared statement. “However, as I’m sure you have all been thinking and yes, I do know what you are thinking, what has The Bible done for me lately? Don’t worry, I’ve had the same thought. With sales plateauing in Fiscal 2021 and remaining flat over the last two quarters, I realized it was time for action.”
“And c’mon…who reads Latin anymore? Right? Well that is why I am here today. To unveil My project for The Bible 2.0. I’m pleased to report The Board along with majority shareholders have approved the plan. To all shareholders I have one message. HODL To The Moon!”
Explaining the details of the project and in response to questions from reporters and shareholders in attendance, Jesus Christ stated, “Of course as we all know my previous writing crew retired two thousand years ago. I’m looking for fresh voices with fresh perspectives with some of that hip-hop energy so prevalent in today’s youth to help write and present twenty seven new and improved Books of The Bible.”
Jesus Christ went on to describe the process for submitting resumes and ideas. The details may be found at Bible2.0.God/submissions.