Signs Satan as First Client
In an exclusive interview with Leuterers reporter Panther Weinhard, Jared Kushner today announced he was opening a Washington, D.C. lobbying firm. Kushner said, “I’m pleased to announce I’ve signed my first client, Satan.”
When asked how the most notorious of demons could possibly be helpful as a first client in starting up a new K Street firm Kushner replied, “This is Washington, are you kidding me? He’s the perfect client and he will no longer have to operate through proxies. There will be plenty of work for him and me as his representative regardless of which political party is in the White House.”
When asked how he struck the deal with the Devil, Kushner said, “He called me. He said he liked my dead eyes and utter lack of humanity. We chatted for some time and it turns out we knew each other from long ago. We’d taken some meetings back when I represented Pontius Pilate. It’s a small world. Especially among us more successful denizens of Hell.”