Governor Lifts Restrictions On Beaver Fans

Oregon Governor Kate Brown gave jubilant Beaver fans the green light to party tonight. She released the following statement “Fu*# it, if Beaver fans want to gather together and celebrate and drink and dance in the street, then go right ahead. Take off your masks, dance, scream, shout, kiss, all that stuff.”

She recommended Duck fans stay home, isolate, and ponder the punishing thought of  losing to the Beavers. Brown finished her statement by saying “Losing to the Beavers may be worse than getting Covid. At least a certain percentage of Covid positive patients never experience symptoms. One hundred percent of Duck fans experience symptoms after a loss to the Beavers.”

This is a developing story. Check for updates here.