In a press conference earlier today Democratic National Committee Spokesperson Shanika Devon Bernstein-Gomez announced the beginning of talks with the Dalai Lama. Bernstein-Gomez said, “We are pleased to announce that Team Dem is in contract negotiations with the Dalai Lama. As you all know the Dalai Lama is a free agent and our goal is to sign him as soon as possible to head our 2024 Presidential Ticket.”
Above the din of reporters’ shouted questions regarding Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 of the Constitution, Bernstein-Gomez replied, “If we could get Obama in, we can get anybody in. And it’s moot anyway. The Dalai Lama’s paperwork is very clear. In a past life he was Bob Smith, a community respected grocer, Little League coach and semi-pro bowler born and raised in Canton, Ohio. Next question?”
“Why the Dalai Lama and not the obvious, a Biden-Harris second term?” asked a reporter. Bernstein-Gomez answered, “The answer to that is simple. Biden – Harris beat Trump. Barely beat Trump. But Trump is like that Jason character in the Halloween movies. He just keeps coming back. And who better to counter Trump’s platform of hate, lies, division, and general spoiled brat whininess than a man known the world over for exactly the opposite of all that. And we are proposing Jamie Lee Curtis as his running mate. If she could handle Jason, she can handle Trump. And yes, we are also in talks with Ms. Curtis and she is very excited about the project and joining the team.”