Leuterers National Desk, Washington, D.C.
President Biden appeared moments ago in the White House Press Briefing Room announcing a debt ceiling deal was close to being finalized.
Biden stated the following:
“Speaker McCarthy and I are very close to wrapping this deal up. I know I said I didn’t want to make concessions and allow the House GOP majority to hold the economy and the nation hostage over a necessary debt ceiling increase. But hey man, like the late great Kenny Loggins sang, ‘Sometimes you got to give a little, to get a little.’
Biden continued with, “So I’m going to give more than a little, but a lot to the GOP Freedom Caucus to secure their votes and promise of non-interference in getting this deal rushed through the House and on its way to the Senate so I can sign it and have a Memorial Day barbeque with Kenny Loggins, who I was just told is still alive. That’s great news.
“Moving on, I am prepared, and the Democratic Leadership in both the House and Senate concur, to offer the Freedom Caucus well over, and I do want to pause here for dramatic effect, one million dollars to fund their investigations as they see fit. Lord knows, cannibal communists in government are not something you want to leave unchecked. I’m not so concerned about the gender shifters. And hey, just ask Jill, I don’t mind a little shifting behind closed doors. C’mon, man, who doesn’t? And maybe we need to open those doors, but I digress and right now I have a pony to feed. He’s a good pony. An all-American pony. God Bless America and her ponies. And oh yeah, Speaker McCarthy and I have a few more things to hash out. Goodnight America and thank you. And go love your ponies. They’re ponies, man, everybody loves pretty ponies. Just ask Cormac McCarthy, a great American artsist who sang with Kenny Loggins on that footloose song. He sang it in Spanish, how cool is that? Bonitas Ponis, baby. Ponis para siempre.”
Biden took no questions following the end of the briefing and was led away by aides in western garb carrying a bucket of grain, a bunch of carrots, and an apple.