Trump to Replace Jefferson On Mt Rushmore

At two minutes after midnight Trump signed an executive order giving the Interior Department authorization to remove Thomas Jefferson from Mt. Rushmore. In a statement Trump said, “I’ll be replacing that loser Thomas Jefferson on Mt Rushmore. Little Thomas Jefferson, very short, he’s like five foot eight. Very short man, little hands, stubby little legs, wore a funny coat. Real loser that Jefferson. Not a winner like me.  He had really low ratings. My ratings are way better.” 

When asked by a Leuterers reporter if he had maybe confused Jefferson, who was 6 foot 2 with John Adams, who was 5 foot 7, Trump said, “Jefferson was short, real short. I suppose CNN thinks he was tall. Well he was very small in many ways. Not big and tall and smart like me.” 

Trump released an artist conception of what the new monument will look like.