Pillow Guy Solicits Supreme Court

My Pillow guy Mike Lindell will petition the United States Supreme Court to reinstate excommunicated president Donald Trump. Pointing to the inside pocket of his sport jacket, Lindell claimed the precedent for reinstatement is clearly outlined in his pocket-sized United States Constitution. Lindell said “I’m Mike Lindell, I make pillows right here in the United States.” Lindell continued “I was addicted to crack cocaine before I started making pillows. Now I’m the pillow guy from Michigan.” Award winning Leuterers reported Fran Stanfield asked Lindell where he read about the direct petitioning of the Supreme Court. Lindell said “You guys are trying to stop me. But I won’t let the press or facts slow me down. I’ll bring my pile of evidence of voter fraud up the steps of the Supreme Court building. I’m going to walk inside and drop all the evidence in front of the justices. They will vote right there, on the spot, to reinstate Donald Trump.” Stanfield told Lindell he reminded her of a character out of Big Time Wrestling. Lindell cut Stanfield off, saying “My evidence is so rock solid the justices don’t even need to review it. They’ll have extra time to toss out two of my parking tickets.” Lindell kept shouting while Stanfield attempted to ask him another question. “ I went into a building to talk about pillows. The crowd loved me, I sold fifty pillows. The city of Detroit said I parked in a loading zone. It was clearly marked two-hour parking. The justices will declare my innocence just as surely as they will bring Donald Trump back.”

Lindell was recently voted America’s Top Moron by the American Association of Morons. Stanfield asked Lindell if he knew he was America’s Top Moron. Lindell said “The last time I took an IQ test I came out an idiot. Now I’ve been promoted to moron. That’s not bad for a guy who was addicted to crack cocaine.”