Bellevue, Washington police detectives arrested local hedge fund manager Ted Jensen earlier today as he walked to his car after exiting a local grocery store. Jensen was carrying a 22 lb. turkey he had purchased moments before. Jensen was charged with “Intent to Host” and booked into the Bellevue Jail.
Jensen has denied he was planning on hosting a large Thanksgiving celebration. He released the following statement through his attorney, “Mr. Jensen is innocent. He thought the bird was under Governor Inslee’s turkey size limit. He wasn’t planning on hosting, he simply likes turkey. Is that a crime? And he’s a hedge fund manager. He doesn’t have any friends. Hangers-on, yes, but nobody who would have a Thanksgiving Dinner with him.”
While in jail Jensen dined on a catered lunch from local restaurant Daniels Broiler. He enjoyed the Teriyaki Tenderloin Bites, served with a Caesar salad of triple washed, hand- picked organic Romaine lettuce, a fresh grated blend of organic non-GMO Parmesan and Romano , a squeeze of Meyer’s lemon, and freshly ground free trade Madagascar peppercorns. He was later released on a one million dollar bond. The frozen turkey is being held as evidence in the jail’s freezer.
The Bellevue Office of the Prosecuting Attorney released the following statement, “Governor Inslee’s mandate is very clear. Jensen is guilty and he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
The Official Governor’s mandate is listed below:
Editor’s Note: Leuterers News Service Pool Reporter Jerry-the Scoop- Rosenstein contributed to this story.