Classified Documents Found At Home Of Chester A. Arthur

Descendants of President Chester A. Arthur have discovered classified documents in an old trunk which belonged to the former president. The documents, discovered in a Tuff Shed in Albany, New York,  appear to be relics and collected papers of presidents which served before Arthur. Included in the documents were the blueprints for the US ironclad ships Merrimack and  Monitor. Also found was a patent application from Alexander Graham Bell for a push button telephone.

Reading from a prepared statement an Arthur family spokesman said, “Old Chet got away with a lot of stuff. Mostly because no one on Earth even knew he was president.” The spokesman continued, “When will this witch hunt end? How many documents did William Henry Harrison take? What about Millard Fillmore or Franklin Pierce? How about that grease ball Warren G Harding? Sadly, the world may never find out.”