President Donald Trump is seeking legal relief from the most unlikely of sources, Tom, the White House Turkey. The embattled president issued a desperate plea, “We always pardon this damn turkey. He’s a turkey, with all these feathers. Big, huge feathers everywhere. He’s dumb, really dumb. Turkeys are dumb. You ever try to talk to one of these birds? They just run around, can’t fly like other birds. Losers, all of them are losers. I don’t know why he can’t pardon me this year. I talked to him about it. It was an easy sell. He said no problem. So now I am pardoned for everything. This dumb bird will end up in the oven. He’s a sucker and a loser.”
A Leuterers reporter challenged Mr. Trump about the legality of excepting a full and unconditional pardon from a bird. Trump lashed out and said “You’re a loser from the failing Leuterers News Service. You’re a terrible reporter, terrible. Fake news. That’s all you are is fake news.” Leuterers reporter Tumbleweed Jack Smith thanked the president for his compliment.