Leuterers National Desk, Washington, D.C.
In a bold move already generating significant buzz, President Donald Trump unveiled his new Gold Card immigration initiative during a press conference yesterday. The plan promises a fast track to United States citizenship for those who can afford its hefty price tag of five million dollars. Trump claimed the proposal is groundbreaking, asserting it will invigorate the economy by welcoming affluent individuals who, as he stated, “will come here with lots of money, spend it, and generate taxes. This is a great plan; no one except me has ever thought of it.”
The Gold Card is just one component of a larger immigration framework that includes four additional plans tailored to different financial capacities. Among these is the entry-level “Lite Green Card,” which requires a more modest donation of $100,000. This basic package aims to assist new immigrants in their transition by providing essentials such as four pallet boards, a blue tarp, and a shopping cart.
Trump’s tiered approach features three other plans, each with escalating prices. One such plan is the opulent Trump Platinum, priced at a staggering $25 million. Platinum enrollees will receive not only U.S. citizenship but also exclusive perks, including access to the White House, a Trump Bible, Trump-branded sneakers, gourmet Trump Steak, and even Trump False Teeth for those who wish to enjoy the steak in style. Additionally, participants will receive a Trump Digital Coin, Trump Trading Cards, and an honorary degree from Trump University.
Trump emphasized the impact of the funding, pointing out that the money from the program would be essential in addressing current financial obligations. He stated, “We’ll pay off some debt, build a few rockets for Elon, and turn things around very quickly.” He added, “Elon builds the best rockets, the best the world has ever seen. No one else in the world can compete with Elon’s rockets. His rockets are exceptional; the French rockets are weak, very weak, like France—weak.”
Trump promised that more details would be released next week but stressed his goal of quickly implementing the pay-for-play immigration plan.
Next up: Trump says egg prices will fall once the lazy chickens start laying eggs again.