Santos Charged With Wire Fraud, Credit Card Fraud, Identity Theft, and Marketing Caged Chickens As Free Range

Embattled GOP representative George Devolder Santos, R-NY,  faces mounting charges in a case brought against him by the Department of Justice. In a filing last week he is accused of selling caged chickens as free range.

Santos said he plans to fight the charges, claiming in a statement, “I know chickens. I’ve been raising Rhode Island hens my entire life. Right here on Long Island. I don’t care what those chickens said, they were free-range.” Santos, speaking with outrage said, “It’s a fishing expedition, led by chickens. They are redefining the concept of being tarred and feathered. Those little bastards are harassing me, it’s not fair.”

The chickens, speaking through their attorney, Sue DeBastards, issued the following statement “Santos is a fraud, he knows nothing about poultry. He promised us a better life, then he sold us down the river. He needs to be exposed before he ruins the lives of more hens. His goose is cooked.”