Leuterers National Desk, Washington, D.C.
Twice impeached, four-time felony indicted, court of law avowed rapist, conman, and fraudster, former President Trump has officially endorsed Ted Nugent to become the next Speaker of the House.
Stated Trump in a campaign stop at the My Pillow Truck-Pull Pavilion in Duluth, “I like Ted. He’s not afraid to shoot, shoot, shoot, the deranged Democrats who are trying to take away your freedom to shoot the liberal looters burning down your cities. Ted will take them down right on the House floor. And if there’s blood, well, somebody will clean it up. I don’t know, maybe they’ll have to replace the carpet. It’s a small price to pay for freedom and America first.”
When asked if this meant he was officially withdrawing his previously offered support for Jim Jordan (R-OH) Trump stated, “Jim Jordan, Jim Jordan who? Maybe I knew a Jim Jordan. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t. I think I knew a Jim Jordan. He was weak, very weak. A weak man who won’t pull the trigger like Ted. Ted will get things done. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be my running mate or maybe I’ll keep him as Speaker.”
When asked if he was actively supporting the gunning down of Democrats in the House Chamber, Trump stated, “I didn’t say that. But sometimes you have to execute people. People who get in your way. Or who say you’re fat, and bald, and a bad golfer. I’m a very good golfer. Better than Mickelson. Much better. And I’m in very good shape. Fit, is what the ladies say. And you know the ladies love Trump. Trump is very highly rated with a full head of highly rated hair the ladies love to run their hands through. They do, they love it. Everybody loves Trump’s full head of hair.”
When asked by this reporter if he thought he would be able to avoid prosecution and prison resulting from any or all of his pending indictments, Trump replied, “That’s a nasty question. And you, Weinhard. You and the failing Leuterers News Service. Ted has his eye on you. What was it Dirty Harry said, he was my kind of cop, Dirty Harry, he said, ‘Weinhard do you feel lucky, punk? Huh, do ya?’”