Leuterers Market Desk, Palo Alto, CA
Charles Liang, the CEO of embattled AI high-flyer company Supermicro Computer, Inc. (NASDAQ-SMCI), held a press conference at the company’s headquarters in San Jose, CA following the end of today’s trading session at which he read the following prepared statement:
“To all our shareholders, suppliers, customers and clients, I apologize. I understand this has been a trying time. For all of us. And many of you are probably wondering about our annual financials and why they are late in being filed. Though it is embarrassing to admit, it should put all concerns to rest that the reason the report has been delayed, the single reason, the one and only reason, is because my wife’s shitzu ate it.
“And we just had the one copy. But don’t you worry. We have taken advantage of little Shin-Shin’s – my wife’s dog, not mine – unfortunate accident. We decided to overhaul our internal accounting protocols to best insure we may report only the finest numbers to our wonderful shareholders. And to this end we have contracted with Ablecom, a fabulous company, to handle this for us. And to keep our costs down, Ablecom has subbed out the project to Compuware, another great, wonderful company.
“To make this even more profitable for our shareholders, Compuware is paying us top dollar to self-audit the financials and complete only the best improvement of all systems in place so there is no more confusion about revenues and undisclosed related party transactions. What are those anyway, we only do business with relatives! Which is why we are paying top dollar to Leadtek and Lambda Labs to complete this audit process for us.
“We’ve told them we want no mistakes and for everything to be top notch, so they are being very thorough and that takes time. No problem. No hurries, no worries. Thank you very much. Buy our stock! It just split. You can now buy cheaper!”
Mr. Laing took no questions but did, after donning a black leather jacket, offer to autograph the breasts of the women in attendance. None took him up on the offer. Though many did ask him for directions to the Nvidia HQ in nearby Santa Clara.