Los Angeles, California
Renowned Hollywood Canine Star, Nanine Laurentia Garnier – better known by her stage name of Lady – has been returned home safely after a brief abduction carried out by Ginny and Clarence Thomas.
Ginny Thomas and her husband, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas were in Pasadena for a routine Q-Anon fundraiser. The two arrived carrying Lady, “who they did not recognize and innocently thought was a poor cute lost dog in need of rescue,” said Richard Knagen, a spokesperson for the Thomas’ Super PAC, Guns Gitmo and Jesus.
Knagen continued with, “It was a simple misunderstanding. Ms. Laurentia Garnier was out for her evening run and the Thomas’ saw her as they were preparing to enter the convention facility. Ginny Thomas picked her up thinking she was a lost dog in need of assistance. The Thomas’s fully intended to return Lady to her home following fortuitous photo ops at the fundraiser. No harm, no foul, no story.”
Lady’s version of events was quite different according to her publicist, Latisha Sanchez DeMarco-Freidman of Goldberg, Stein, Stein, and Goldberg.
“Lady was on her evening run, on that we agree. When Ginny Thomas picked her up, abducting her, Lady immediately requested to be put down or taken to Tramp, her husband and fellow renowned canine star. When Ginny Thomas refused to put her down, Lady then demanded to be taken to Tramp and the Thomas’s replied, “Trump, sure. We can take you to Trump.” Fortunately, and quickly, a waiter at the event was able to whisk Lady away to safety while Ginny Thomas was distracted by a plate of pigs in a blanket.”
Ms. DeMarco-Freidman closed her statement saying, “Lady is recovering well from the obvious trauma resulting from a close encounter of Trump petting. She and Tramp will be moving back to West Hollywood immediately as the two do not expect the Supreme Court Justice and his wife to visit there anytime soon.”