In a desperate move Trump issued executive order #4367 in the wee hours of Friday morning. The following is an excerpt from the executive order:
“As you know, I’m granted ultimate power by the Constitution. I’ve sold California to my good friend Vladimir Putin for the $400 million I owe him. He also agreed to waive the $650K in late fees I owed for missed payments. I hate those late fees. Every time you look they’re adding this fee or that fee. Very corrupt the way these banks and lenders assess these fees. I sold California because the people there don’t love me. Russia already had people there. They even have a Russian River. Right now they let all that water go into the ocean. Vlad told me he plans to stop that. Smart guy that Vlad, very smart. Not as smart as me, but fairly smart. This action will reverse the horrible decision made by President Benjamin Franklin way back in the old days. Franklin was a loser, terrible president. Flew a kite in a storm, what an idiot.”