In a surprising address following his anticipated appointment as Minister of Health and Vaccine Czar, Bobby Kennedy laid out a bold and controversial agenda during a press conference. Speaking directly to reporters, Kennedy announced his intention to eradicate all vaccines within ninety days of Donald Trump’s inauguration. This plan has sparked immediate backlash from health officials and citizens alike.
Kennedy, known for his unconventional views on health and vaccines, made a provocative claim that he aimed to revive Polio to unprecedented levels. He accused Jonas Salk, the creator of the polio vaccine, of being influenced by the pharmaceutical industry, arguing that the vaccine is associated with severe side effects, including an unusual urge to listen to the music of Burl Ives.
In addition to his plans regarding Polio, Kennedy expressed a commitment to reintroducing other diseases—including Measles, Mumps, and Influenza—on a significant scale, suggesting a departure from decades of public health advancements aimed at eradicating these illnesses.
Concluding his remarks, Kennedy declared, “It’s high time we stopped this vaccine madness.” He further shocked the audience by proposing a return to public defecation and urination in the streets, stating, “The Dark Ages were severely underrated.”
Kennedy addressed the skeptics by saying, “You guys have had your way for too long in this country. You say twenty million people were saved from Polio, and I say phooey on you. I’m in charge now, yeah me, Bobby Kennedy Jr.”